Locked and Loaded

I'm sitting here at the library, UNM's library to be exact. I'm not just here as a visitor neither, but I'm an actual student. Who would've thought? I've been going through a tough time as of late, but this music is making it better. Thank God for music, right? It has healing powers. Still though, I've been going through a tough time. I have depression, and I'm truly aware that I have it, which is a good thing. I can begin to battle it now. I won't take the easy way out and dig myself into a deeper hole, but I will battle it. I realize this is a tough task because this depression truly is fucking with my mind. I'm ready to develop a system to beat this though.  A system that will mainly consist of writing. Writing messages, anecdotes,  thoughts throughout my day. Not really analyzing, but just writing them out and letting my emotions out through words. I know I'm sounding a little My Chemical Romance here, but fuck it. I'm emo. I don't care, everybody goes through it, so just bear with me while I get myself out of this state.

Today is Day one and I've been listening to music pretty much all day. I ended up getting these sweet Skullcandy headphones yesterday and I plan on using them a lot. I've been listening to the same song on repeat: Lazy eye by The Silversun Pickups. I just relate to it and it makes me forget about certain things. It also makes me feel relate-able to others around me. That's why I like it, but most importantly it tunes everything out and I can focus. The negative thoughts subside while the song plays, which is nice.

There's this pretty girl in my Western Civilization class. I met her the other day on Wednesday. I managed to get out of my fucking shell and talk to her; her name is Annie. I was talking to her about the quiz that we took in class, and I asked her how she thinks she did. That's the ballsiest thing I've done in a while which isn't even that ballsy, but I guess in the situation that I'm in it is pretty ballsy. Anyway, I saw her again today and said hi to her, she said hi back and I asked her how she was doing, she said good. That's it. I know, not very much. I'm just tired of being so direct all the time. Quite simply it's tiring and exhausting.

I'll continue this tomorrow, but for now I'm running late for french class.. here's the song that I have on repeat.